95. It’ll Be Alright in the End

Linda and I have taken the big plunge. No, not downsizing and moving to senior living. Not quitting Netflix and switching to Apple TV. Bigger than that. It’s that one thing we must all face eventually, the most sobering kind of business. I’m talking about making arrangements for our end-of-life matters.

First, some explanation of our thoughts and beliefs. I know I being glib and my words may seem irreverent. But this is just us—in no way am I making comment or judgment on anyone else’s beliefs or preferences!  Neither Linda nor I have a sentimental or religious view of funerals, burials, graves or coffins. We have no need for elaborate, expensive, and archaic customs. “Yes” to an afterlife, but in no particular way do we think that is connected to a grave or monument. To all those who survive us and want to do something to mark our passing, please have whatever celebration of life or ceremony that suits you. But for our sake, there’s no reason to be visiting us at a cemetery. We won’t be there. If you wish, think of us as living on in your hearts and memories, and connect with us in special places or at special times.

As a practical matter, we also want to make sure that at the times of or deaths, there is nothing difficult for anyone to figure out or decide in those emotional moments. It should be all taken care of in advance. Feeling uneasy with this topic? A little squeamish? Yeah, me too.

I don’t blame our kids for not wanting to think about this morbid stuff. Neither did we. But we knew that the responsible thing for us to do was to prepay final arrangements, and we chose the simplest cremation. We found a local business that provided the services we wanted, and went in for an appointment.

The gentleman that greeted us understood that we wanted the least fuss & muss. No talk of an eternal resting place, no options of granite or marble to consider. 

It turned out to be a rather enjoyable and light-hearted transaction. Ironic, I thought, to deal with this so matter-of-factly, as if we were shopping for new carpet or deciding on a cruise destination.

Some irreverent humor on my part was unavoidable. I mean, really, we’re discussing what to do with little cartons of dust. For my first quip, “Yes, we’d rather take care of this while we’re still alive, it’ll be much less convenient for us afterwards.” And “We’d like the low-cost options, I’m just thankful we aren’t ancient Egyptians.”

The man looked up from his papers with an expression that implied, “I’ll regret this, but go ahead and explain.”  

I continued, “Just imagine… all that mummifying, stocking up piles of supplies for the afterlife, and building a big stone temple to hold it all. That could really add up!”  I segued, “I used to like the idea of being put in the deep freezer in case they come up with something in the future. Then I moved to being freeze-dried—did you ever see that people can freeze dry their deceased dogs and cats? But more recently I favored being composted for the garden.”

Linda, lips pursed, shushed me. She was both the down-to-earth and the spiritual one at the meeting. “It’s the caring thing to do for our survivors. We like the idea of not leaving anything to be laid on them.” She added, “We feel strongly that our spirits live on, but that will have nothing to do with where or how our Earthly remains are kept. It will be up to our family, but we think scattering ashes is fine compared to keeping some kind of fancy urn.”

Across the table, holding a portfolio of contracts and documents, sat the very sweet and patient sales representative. If we had wanted bells and whistles, he would have sold them to us, but there was no pressure or even a suggestion from him that we should consider upgrading the “package.” All in all, I’d say it was actually as smooth as it could be. On the other hand, we bought a new roof a while back and that wasn’t half as fun even at 5x the cost!

My friend Barbara Clark wrote very well in her blog recently about her experiences with the very same thing. In fact, our stories overlap a bit, and darn her, she beat me to it! It’s an interesting piece, I’d like to encourage you to read Another Neptune.  Barbara also offers a useful checklist for some things to consider before deciding.

Whatever road you take, may you enjoy the ride!