123. A Fitting End

If you remember, the 1960 movie Spartacus was based on the story of a larger-than-life person, a slave in 1^st century BC Rome. Spartacus, played by Kirk Douglas, was a gladiator who led a major rebellion of fellow slaves, ending in one of the tear-jerkiest finales in filmdom. It’s true, many slaves were returned to servitude, but thousands were left to hang for months where they were crucified on the Appian Way, a gruesome warning to any who thought of resisting Roman authority. This was called the Third Servile War and was won by the Roman army led by General Marcus Lucinius Crassus (portrayed in the movie by Laurence Olivier.) Crassus himself was a giant of Roman history, and much is known about him. For some reason, I have a fascination with this awful guy. If death had to be the way to stop a despicable person’s reign, his was one of the most fitting ends in history.

Crassus, by the way, happens to be a Latin word with several meanings, depending on context. As a surname, it must have been in reference to some ancestor’s solidity, rather than his plumpness or stupidity. Because of his wicked character and ruthless behavior, even in his lifetime the name Crassus became synonymous with “insensitive” or “tactless,” thus our English word, crass. As name and word origins go, this one is pretty cool.

The defeat of the slave revolt was one of many notable military achievements for Crassus, which eventually propelled his popularity in the halls of power and his rise into politics.  Despite being a member of a fairly common and poor family, he grew close to Julius Caesar, and along with another general named Pompey, was chosen to be one of the Triumvirate, three co-rulers of the Roman Republic. With that much power, Crassus was able to amass a staggering fortune that made him the richest man in Rome; someone estimated his net worth to be at least equal to that of the rest of the city combined. (If you’re thinking of the expression “as rich as Croesus,” that refers to a different guy.)

Crassus looted the treasuries of his defeated enemies in war, traded in slaves and commodities, used his fame to entangle investors in his silver industry monopoly, and acquired vast holdings of real estate. The way he built his real estate empire was probably how the name Crassus gave us the word crass.

At the time, uncontrolled fires were common in the city. There was no such thing as a standing fire department, and Crassus seized on the idea of creating a private fire brigade of 500 firefighters and a fleet of horse-drawn water tankers.  However, his men were instructed to perform their duty only after the homeowners or landlords paid for it. If they refused or couldn’t afford it, the building would be left to burn to the ground. Another option, which many had no choice but to agree to, was to promptly sell the property to Crassus for a fraction of its worth, at which time the fire was doused, and Crassus gained another piece of property to rebuild. All of this was done with slave labor. Usually, the new building was even more opulent and might be rented back to the original tenants at extravagant rates.

Crassus met his end while governor of Syria, at the eastern frontier of the Roman Empire. Knowing that he needed a boost in his popular image, he appointed himself to command an army to conquer the neighboring kingdom of the Parthians who, besides being tantalizingly wealthy, were a threat to Rome’s security. Led into a trap, Crassus wound up dying in battle along with his entire army. The Parthians severed the head of Crassus and it was reported that they poured molten gold into its mouth, saying it was to “quench the Roman’s thirst for wealth.”  Wow!

The Roman Republic fell into disarray and civil war without his influence over the rivalry between Julius Caesar and Pompey. The life and career of Crassus became the subject of scorn and ridicule around Rome. Actors in comedies portrayed him as cowardly, or the highest insult, dressed as a woman. Too bad Spartacus wasn’t around to enjoy all of that!